Tell me you love me without saying you love me

Forty-three years ago yesterday, I awoke to the threat of rain on my wedding day. You can work your fingers to the bone planning for your special day, but there is always something that pops up to make it a challenge. It did drizzle on me as I stepped out the front door to head to the waiting limo, but my next-door neighbor, Mr. Kaiser, was at the ready with a large umbrella to ensure I arrived at the church unscathed.

As many people do, I envisioned the years ahead filled with big romantic gestures on our anniversary to celebrate our union.

Some years were like that, others not so much.

As newlyweds, Jeff and I lived out our salad days in an eclectic variety of abodes. One included space in a college rooming house that we called “Love Under the Eaves.” There was barely enough room to stand up, but we were together and working to improve our circumstances. No extravagant gifts or flowers marked our anniversary in many of those early years, but we had each other and that was enough.

In later years, we lived in a spacious apartment in a two-flat in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago. Anniversaries included seafood dinners and gifts. One year when we were particularly flush, Jeff sent sterling roses to my office for our anniversary. What a treat!

For us, love is still going strong, even if the look of love has changed over the decades. While roses and gifts on our anniversary are appreciated, I treasure the everyday tokens of love my husband gives me just as much, maybe more.

What does love look like after 43 years of marriage?

Here’s an example.

On Tuesday, we had a dangerous storm here in southeast Michigan. It was one of those intense wind-driven events that make summer memorable in our neck of the woods. At two in the morning, my CPAP machine turned off, and that was how I discovered we had lost power. I find it hard to sleep without the machine because it keeps me from snoring. I wake myself up when I snore. I don’t know if it’s because I snore so loudly or if I am just self-conscious about the noise. After tossing and turning for an hour, I was still awake.

It was too dark and rainy to wake Jeff up and ask him to go outside and set up the new generator. I figured I was stuck staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

Around 3 am, Jeff woke up, whether from the thunder or my distress, I don’t know. Immediately, he knew I had a problem—no CPAP—and he jumped into action.

He ran an extension cord from his computer battery back-up in his man-cave, all the way down the stairs, through the kitchen into the bedroom and my sleep aid. Within minutes, I was back asleep. (Yes, of course, he has an extension cord that long. I swear this one could wrap around the house three times.)

He also told me to wake him up next time so he can take care of me right away.

That was one of the many ways he says he loves me every day without saying he loves me.

Other signs include but are not limited to:

1. When he goes to bed later than me, he sets the television station to my morning news program, so that when I turn on the tv in the morning, I get my show.
2. He takes care of the Meijer stock up shopping trip for paper goods.
3. He takes care of the car, the trash, and refilling all the hand and dish soap bottles.
4. He says thank you for the little things I do around the house.
5. He saves my plants when I forget to water them.
6. He always let me be me.
7. He lets me poke fun of him in my blog. (He’s big enough to take it.)
8. He has a sixth sense about when he needs to order pizza to save my sanity.
9. He doesn’t criticize.
10. He compliments me every day.
11. He ends every phone call with “I love you.”

I tend to be a selfish wench, soaking up all the thoughtful gestures Jeff makes as if it were my due. Reading this list makes me realize I need to step up my game.

Here’s hoping we have another 43 years together so I can repay all the little favors.

Weight Watchers accountability: After one month, I am down 5 pounds and 1.5 inches in waist and hips. I reversed the upward trend of my weight gain and improved my diet. (Although I would still kill for a Coke.) Not as much weight loss as I had hoped, but there were some bumps in the road this month that threw me off stride.

Speaking of which, a big thank you to all who sent their condolences after the death of my sister. I will have something to say about the loss of a sibling as soon as I find the right words.